Having a deep and meaningful relationship with your partner or spouse ultimately requires a certain amount of dedication, attention, and appreciation of one another. Aside from the obvious physical desire we all crave as human beings, real connection runs deeper than what is sexually displayed outwardly. You want a soul to soul connection to drive your relationship, which is an intensely personal experience for both parties to experience. To give you a better understanding of how to connect with your partner, read on below:
Spend time together
Going out on dates and making time for one another are ways to keep the connection alive. When partners stray away from their day to day interactions because work gets in the way, they begin to lose sight of their whole foundation of their relationship. Huffington Post states that, “Connection happens when partners have time to be together in a fun and relaxed way. For example: having dinner, taking a walk together, sharing interesting stories about their day, cooking, holding each other and talking, playing a sport together, watching a funny show together, and so on.” Ask yourself a simple question: Are you able to connect with your partner this way? Sometimes the most mundane task will give you a better understanding of whether or not you two have what it takes to move beyond the honeymoon phase. So whether you are fresh into a new relationship or simply desire to keep that spark ignited, reconnect with spending that quality time one on one. This is how you can learn to appreciate each other and not only maintain the connection, but begin to strengthen it.
Make time for emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy is a powerful way to connect with your partner. Intimacy is first and foremost a vulnerable way to let your partner in. You must first be able to let yourself into all your feelings and emotions. Then your partner is next. If you are openly and mutually able to let the walls fall and engage in true emotional intimacy where you share your innermost desires, truths, and fears, your relationship will foster strength and understanding. Beyond that, both parties must be there for one another during times of conflict. When our past traumas are brought up through triggers, we tend to blame our partner for doing something wrong. However, they simply reflect to show us our own weaknesses. So, in keeping the emotional intimacy mindset, refrain from being overtly reactive to your partner’s triggers or frustrations. Let each of you freely generate that emotional freedom with compassion rather than going into withdrawal or avoidance behaviors like drinking or overeating. Remember, your job is not to take responsibility for your partner’s emotions or feelings, but to simply be supportive of one another by being present in those moments. Here is where compassion and understanding meet. Huffington Post adds that, “Compassion for each other’s wounds and vulnerabilities goes a long way toward creating connection.”
Support one another through thick and thin
Supporting our partner ranges from being there during the happy times (which Huffington Post states that, “In healthy relationships, partners receive joy from the other’s joy. Supporting each other in what we each love to do is part of a healthy relationship, and definitely part of creating connection.”) and the hard times (which should equally encompass care and understanding).
Re-connect with yourself
You will never fully connect with your partner if you cannot connect with your own heart first. So ask yourself, are you disconnected from your own sense of self? If there are any feelings of insecurity on your part, start your inner work. Spend some time soul-searching, figure out what makes you insecure, and heal it. If you are fully able to connect with your inner wounds and feelings, believe it or not, your connection with your partner will thrive mutually, if those initial inner self-love qualities are activated.
Express without judgement
Whether your emotions or feelings are positive or negative, you should be able to communicate them openly by being able to let it all out, without blaming one another. Self-expression helps your overall relationship by speeding up argument resolutions, evolving past pre-conceived judgments as a couple, and compassionately encouraging long-lasting bonding. Think about it, your relationship is all about coexisting, so wouldn’t it be easier to be open with all that you both feel so that you release any built up repression? Consciously evaluate your feelings without the decadence hovering over your shoulder. This will engage both parties to create interpersonal understanding which we all yearn for.
Keep up the trust
Something happens when we don’t spend time together during periods of the day or in specific moments. Someone can get jealous or try to be in control 24/7 when one partner is not abiding by certain rules. The thing is, this control issue is a defensive mechanism we pull out in order to always feel that our partner follows our desires to either obsess over them or be overly clingy. This might occur psychologically out of some deeply embedded fear or insecurity of being left alone or abandoned. As long as there is open communication and each partner doesn’t have secrets about where they are or where they are going, do not allow yourself to get pressured into obsessively checking in on them for your own lack of trust or apprehension from your own self. Remember, we tend to play the control game when our hearts are closed and this further disconnects our partnership. So focus on opening up your heart with the sole intent of connecting within yourself and your partner.
Evolve, learn, and be present
A true connection with your partner doesn’t need to be that complicated or simple (depending on what perspective you have). In reality, disconnection seems to present itself most commonly as soon as the present moment is lost. Confusion and mixed feelings ensue as soon as we begin to not be understood by our partner, and this occurs because we are not able to be in the present moment of our thoughts and feelings. We must keep learning and evolving as individuals, as humans. When our behaviors challenge us and make us face our deeper selves we want to withdraw and throw out a pity party. Instead, take notes from your inner self, listen, and only be responsive when you feel yourself unraveling from negative patterns. Really look at yourself and what you are avoiding. So often, our relationships provide us with a mirror-like extension of what we really need to work on in ourselves to gain more insight and awareness. Therefore, when you begin to feel internally triggered, do not respond through fear-based behaviors like controlling the situation, or worse off, controlling your partner or their actions and emotions (both current and previous).
Having a meaningful connection with your partner is not only enjoyable and comforting, but more importantly, a vital part for your well-being as a person and as a relationship by far. While opening up your heart and soul to yourself and to someone else might initially evoke a lot of overwhelming frustrations, this is how we grow as humans. So heal those inner wounds, develop emotional intimacy, express yourself fully, and discover love and commitment in a whole new way. Happy connecting!
Priscilla Du Preez