Did you just recently break up with your significant other? Yet, you’re not ready to let go of the relationship. Day and night, you wonder how to get your ex back. If you make a list of the most frequently asked questions about relationships, what would be on that list? Surely, the question of finding a way to get back with your ex is at least in the top 5.
Think back to the time when you were happy and talking over some minor issues. Yet, suddenly everything takes a nasty turn, and you end up in a bitter argument. Perhaps you do not remember exactly the words you said to each other. But, hurtful words were said. And, after a few more rounds of harsh insults spewed towards each other, you both retreat to your proverbial corners to lick your wounds. These out-of-the-blue quarrels are quite common and can happen to most, if not all, couples. Unfortunately, sometimes couples break up afterwards.
So, what is your first reaction? Your first instinct is to think that it was not your fault. Your pride further stops you from even considering that you should apologize. You think that you will not budge towards reconciliation. This time around, your significant other should admit his/her guilt.
But, after a while, you have come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter who was at fault. So, what do you do next? After all, getting back together without some sort of mutual effort and growth would be unhealthy in the long run. Perhaps you would just break up again. Here are ways how to get your ex back and start over in a healthier manner.
Give Your Ex Some Space
After all your efforts and your significant other still doesn’t take you back, the best thing to do is leave them alone. Basically, if can’t respect your ex’s wish for room to breath, then perhaps you’re not in a good place to start dating again. Eventually, you should reach out and mend fences. But, when is a good time? Of course, there is no definite waiting period. For example, if you were broken up with, then wait until you stop blaming yourself for the breakup. Reach out to your ex when your self-blame has subsided. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be healthy for you to rekindle the relationship. If you broke up with your ex, then consider contact only if you are doing it for the right reasons. Not because you feel guilty, lonely, or bored without your partner.
Don’t Badmouth Your Ex
Plain and simple, your breakup was not enjoyable and perhaps one-sided. Maybe you want to run to your best friend and dish on all the ugliness and gore that transpired. Just don’t do it. Think about it, how would you feel if your ex spilled secrets about you? If you truly want to get your ex back, refrain from badmouthing them. Spreading terrible rumors and other lies will never get you back in your ex’s good graces.
Can You Truly Bury the Hatchet?
So, you really miss your ex and want them back, badly. But before you pursue them, think if your past problems are actually fixable. Did you break up because your partner took a job in a new city and it was too hard to maintain a long distance relationship? This reason is mendable, as long as each person is willing to make it work. Or, did you break up because your arguments always revolved around your plans for the future or most importantly, your values? These issues are oftentimes deal-breakers and not easily fixed. So, consider the truth behind your breakup and decide if you can both work to fix the old issues. If not, these arguments will will likely resurface again and again.
Does Your New Life Fit Your Ex?
So, you broke up. It could have been a few months, perhaps longer, like years. Sure, you were lonely when you were apart. But during this separation period, you made new friends and tried new hobbies. You slowly pieced your life back together and found joy in others and newer activities. The time apart from your ex was actually a crucial time in your own personal growth. After the experience of being on your own and single, you will come to realize if you truly want your ex back. Make sure if they will fit into your new life and whether he/she will make for a fulfilling partner moving forward.
Make it Work
Let’s say you finally got your ex back. It is not just some overnight magic that happens. You will need to actually put in the work. And then keep working at the relationship. Like a garden, you will need to constantly weed out the negativity and sow good seeds henceforth. It will take time to rebuild trust. Be open, honest and communicate your true feelings. Sure, old wounds may pop up, but take the time in this renewed partnership to address and put salve on them, for good. After all, if this person is THE ONE, you both will need to work hard to keep the relationship healthy and strong.
Feature photo: Joao Silas / Unsplash
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